An LA millionaire has defended her resolution to stay childfree, revealing it has benefited her psychological well being, and says, “I can nap after I need.”
Amie Tollesfrud, 36, says she by no means felt maternal rising up — she wasn’t involved in holding infants or volunteering to babysit.
When she met her now-husband, Erik Tollesfrud, 42, in her 20s, she advised him, “If you would like children, discover somebody who does — I’m in all probability not the individual for you.”
Though the pair revisit their childfree resolution each few years, Amie stays resolute.
She says they’ve reaped the “advantages” of not having youngsters — they’ll sleep, journey, and spend time collectively freely, with out having to cope with “loud noises or a messy home”.
The net enterprise course tutor got here below hearth when she posted a TikTok on March 19 utilizing a sound that stated, ‘Think about coming dwelling from a annoying day at work and there’s somebody in your own home asking what are we we consuming for dinner,’ from ladies who known as her “egocentric.”
However she insists she doesn’t “actually care what anyone else does” and focuses on constructing her personal “legacy.”
She stated: “One of many ways in which I don’t suppose individuals take into consideration is how a lot my psychological well being has benefited. I’m overstimulated simply by issues like loud noises or a messy home. They’ll actually have a destructive impression on my psychological well being, and so not having to cope with these issues is one thing that I actually worth.”
“I need to get up after I select to, journey after I need to, and nap after I need to. Clearly, you’ll be able to’t actually try this when you’ve gotten children. I’ve at all times actually valued my freedom and autonomy to stay how I need and spend my days how I need.”
Amie met her husband throughout her time at Colorado State College once they had been 20 and 26, respectively.
On the time, Erik, now a photographer, was working in retail and left his job to help Amie’s enterprise.
Earlier than assembly Erik, Amie hadn’t given a lot thought to motherhood. It solely turned a subject of dialog when she met Erik as a result of he was older. When it got here up, she advised him upfront that she wasn’t involved in having youngsters.
She recalled saying to Erik: “I advised him that I’m actually younger, so I’ll in all probability change my thoughts as a result of everybody tells me I’ll, however I don’t suppose I need them.” She additionally added, “If that modifications for you and also you need to discover somebody who does need children, be at liberty… I’m in all probability not the individual for you.”
At first, Erik wanted time to course of Amie’s revelation, however he finally determined that he would quite prioritize his relationship along with her than have youngsters. “We’re each on the identical web page. Possibly we are going to change our minds, however we are going to revisit this yearly or so.”
As annually passes and the choice to be child-free stays intact, the couple reaps the ‘advantages’ of not having youngsters.
“I’ve the liberty to journey wherever; I’ve freedom in my schedule, but additionally simply having more cash to spend on issues which can be enjoyable like journey but additionally going to the spa or going to dinner,” she stated.
In contrast to some, Amie’s friendships and relationships along with her wider household haven’t been affected by her resolution to stay child-free.
“I feel more often than not I inform folks that I don’t need children, they suppose that it’s nice that I do know myself effectively sufficient to make that call”, she added.
Nevertheless, Amie has confronted backlash on-line from followers for her way of life.
One commenter wrote, “Think about being outdated and alone and having nobody who loves you unconditionally — seen some wild unhappy issues in high-end outdated age houses, cash has limits.” One other stated, “Think about fearing any duty or slightest discomfort.”
Amie finds the obsessive feedback about her life decisions to be unusual. “If you would like children, then go and have them — I’m glad for you. I don’t actually care what anyone else does. I feel we should always all have the ability to stay in our fact and respect one another’s decisions.”
She has additionally confronted questions on what her legacy will seem like with out children: “I’m centered on constructing my very own legacy — why would I put that stress onto another person?”
After Amie’s TikTok went viral, she discovered a neighborhood of hundreds of individuals agreeing along with her.
She was ‘mind-blown’ to find that others felt the identical manner.
“It’s type of unlucky as a result of it’s nearly like a lose-lose scenario for ladies,” she stated.
“For those who select to not have children, then there’s a destructive stigma hooked up to that — you’re egocentric. Equally, for those who select to have children and be a stay-at-home mother, then that’s frowned upon — try to be going out and being a boss babe creating wealth.”
Amie and Erik have spent the final three summers touring in Europe, visiting locations like Paris, St. Tropez, and Sicily. “One of many much less apparent issues that I actually worth is that my husband and I’ve been in a position to actually give attention to one another and construct a powerful relationship and marriage.”
“What I’ve seen occur loads of occasions is that individuals get married, have children, after which their focus transfers to their youngsters quite than their accomplice. For me, I at all times dreamed about discovering my accomplice, and so with the ability to have the time and house to try this and stay out our desires in Hawaii is absolutely the dream I had for my life.”
Amie’s typical child-free day within the life:
Most mornings, I don’t have an alarm — I get up after I get up.
I like having a sluggish morning. I often eat breakfast outdoors and have espresso.
Then I’ll go to both a Pilates or yoga class or go for a stroll.
I’ll come dwelling and do some work — movie a couple of movies for TikTok or YouTube. I’m often executed working by 1 or 2 pm.
Then I’ll buy groceries with a good friend or go to the spa. Generally, I’ll simply take a nap!
At night time, my husband and I’ll stroll all the way down to the seashore with the canine and watch the sundown.
Then I’ll prepare dinner dinner and watch actuality TV — I like something Bravo-related, particularly Actual Housewives!
