These poor condo hunters.
They arrive in New York Metropolis solely to be shellacked by merciless actuality.
Our emptiness price stands at a minuscule 1.4%. And the median hire in Manhattan is an insulting $4,500.
Hi there, New York! Goodbye, financial savings!
And now, including to their throbbing migraine is a demented record from an internet site referred to as Area of interest: 2025’s Greatest Neighborhoods to Stay in New York Metropolis.
Belief this information if you wish to break your life.
Maybe an overworked intern blended up the outcomes from “Areas to Undoubtedly Keep away from on a Friday Night time”?
However no, this AI-esque assemblage is actual and supposedly “based mostly on crime, public colleges, price of dwelling, job alternatives and native facilities” and never the results of a recreation of Pin the Tail on the Borough.
One borough particularly. All however 5 of the 25 spots are in Manhattan. Park Slope, apparently, is a complete s–thole. Astoria, steer clear.
As a substitute, Area of interest says elevate your children in No. 4, Hell’s Kitchen.
In that oasis of peace they will benefit from the double-digit stretch of Ninth Avenue homosexual bars, greasy quick meals till 4 a.m. and an all-night refrain of sloppy drunks.
And who doesn’t dream of sharing a nabe with the Port Authority bus terminal?
Ludicrous No. 3 is close by, and it’s the place Area of interest actually dropped the ball: The Theater District.
That’s the 13 jam-packed blocks which can be dwelling to Broadway exhibits similar to “Depraved” and “The Lion King.” It’s additionally the situation of Instances Sq. — the preferred vacationer vacation spot within the US, with 50 million guests a yr, all of whom gawk transfixed at big LCD screens as they stroll like turtles.
It’s the neighborhood that has impressed generations of Midwesterners to say, “New York is enjoyable for a weekend.”
Have been I to make a listing of the most effective locations to scent pot, burning caramel corn and Elmo’s BO earlier than stepping right into a viscous puddle of goo on the sidewalk, the Theater District would simply high it.
No. 2? Kips Bay.
Some out-of-towners are asking, “What’s Kips Bay?”
Additionally, some New Yorkers are asking, “What’s Kips Bay?”
Their query is a philosophical one. For if you find yourself in Kips Bay, you might be each in every single place and nowhere.
Kips Bay is the place your school good friend’s 28-year-old brother lives. He wears a tie to a job he by no means discusses. He doesn’t keep in mind what occurred on St. Patrick’s Day, his favourite day of the yr.
Spanning East twenty third Road to East thirty fourth Road, Kips Bay has no defining options. It’s the highest spot for dropping off dry cleansing and having to stroll 25 minutes to get nearly wherever. At the least, there are not any guests, since there may be completely nothing for them to do.
Which brings me to No. 1 — Little Italy.
Little Italy, lotta vacationers.
These purple double-decker buses are obsessive about this trappy vacation spot the place hardly any Italians truly stay.
The house of the annual Feast of San Gennaro is the place you emphatically discourage your touring mates from consuming overpriced pasta. “Strive Arthur Avenue within the Bronx as an alternative,” you say to deaf ears.
Look, I’ve nothing in opposition to Little Italy besides that it’s crowded and costly and the flats are outdated and small and I’d reasonably eat someplace else. However to name it the most effective neighborhood to stay in NYC is preposterous.
Anyway, all people is aware of the place New Yorkers head once they’re involved about crime, public colleges, price of dwelling, job alternatives and native facilities.
Florida!
